Today, I grew more nervous about my group presentation.

When there is a miscarriage of justice in your favor, it probably feels awesome.

Today, I am not paying attention in class.

This morning, for 90 seconds, everyone's Gmail status message showed the time, date and cause of their death.

I took a screenshot.

If anyone wants to know, just drop me a line.

Danny and Tom, sooner would be better.

Today, Luigi Said Some Very Cryptic Things.

“Kristen mentioned we had never eaten breakfast in bed together.

We went to a bed and breakfast once, but the two services offered: beds and breakfasts (sic), never actually overlapped.”

Today, Sahlen's Hot Dogs and Robert Redford Will Make My Day.

The morning my wife told me she was leaving was also my first day as a garbage man for the city of Peoria, Illinois.
Her announcement left me so distracted that, by the time I realized I had been throwing the garbage cans in the truck along with the garbage, my route was half over. That morning I crushed beyond recognition fully half the garbage bins in Peoria’s fashionable East View Heights neighborhood.
My supervisor was livid. But, when I explained why I was distracted, he didn’t fire me. He felt I didn’t need to lose my job and my wife in the same day.

Today, She Typed ONLY IN CAPS

He ate lunch in a food court across the street every day. The people around him were distracting until he paid attention to them. Then they were captivating.
It seemed to be the same crowd every day, but he wanted to be sure.
He assigned nicknames to everyone and wrote them down on a piece of paper. Each day, marks went next to their names indicating whether they were in attendance. The paper list soon became too big to manage so he made an excel sheet for his blackberry.
On the excel sheet, he abbreviated everyone’s nickname, partly to save space, party because “TNL” seemed like a nicer thing to call someone than “turkey neck lady”.

Today, Is A Very Busy Day.

Ever since I shocked myself on the doorknob, my finger has been numb. I was walking across my living room, which has thick shag carpet. I reached for the doorknob a visible spark jumped off into my index finger. It went numb and there was a little black mark on the tip, just under the fingernail. I told a doctor what happened and he didn’t believe me. He said there was no way for me to get a shock that bad from shuffling my feet on a carpet. I explained to him that it was really thick carpet.

Today, We Make Stew.

His double had been tailing him all morning. The blue feather in his cap had given him away. It was a code they had all decided upon three years ago at the end of the summit. On that rooftop, as the storm raged and the world came down around their ears, it had seemed such a grand game. But if Julian was back in the waking world, the game would soon turn deadly serious.